What is Therapy? And How to Decide if it’s Right for You
Inevitably at some point in life, we all find ourselves in struggle, confusion, pain or even simply uncertainty over where to go or what to do in a given situation. At that same point, we may wonder if seeking professional help would be worth it (or if it is even really necessary). Time investment, cost, and questions about risk versus benefit may present concerns or significant barriers. And even though research has shown that around 75% of people actually find therapy helpful and beneficial to their lives, others don’t fully understand what it is, or how it could help. So in this blog, I would love to answer some of those questions!
What is Therapy?
Therapy is a unique opportunity to enter into a psychologically intimate relationship with a caring professional for the purpose of self-exploration, self-understanding, and personal/relational growth. Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT a “paid friendship,” or a paid “vent session.” Therapists have advanced training in psychological science, which is the study of both human behavior and mental processes. As such, they can offer very specific insights, personal applications and perspectives from over a century of research into the human mind. There are numerous biological, psychological, and social/cultural links, causes, and correlations between the way we think and the things we do. Therapists can provide a gentle understanding of what is typical versus atypical in a given situation, along with healthy guidelines for breaking out of toxic thought-patterns and problem behaviors. Therapists are trained to listen well and provide objective feedback without judgment, based on a general understanding of how brokenness and pain are often the precursors to unhealthy behavior. Therapists also provide tools for healthy coping, and can teach general life skills identified as necessary for development (communication skills, conflict resolution, assertiveness, interpersonal skills, setting boundaries, etc.). Ultimately, therapy can be a significant healing force in a person’s life simply on the basis of the therapeutic relationship alone; because it provides a safe space to be deeply known, heard, validated, understood, and unconditionally accepted.
How do I know if it’s right for me?
As a therapist, I may be slightly biased on this question🙃, but personally, I believe therapy is something that everyone should seek at least once in their lifetime. The information, understanding and perspective gleaned can impact all facets of life- from relationships across domains (intimate and professional) to employment (understanding and responding to the needs of your employers/employees or customers), adjusting to life transitions, parenting (understanding the cognitive and emotional development of children and teens), navigating grief and bereavement, divorce and other relational terminations, job loss, infertility, other complex struggles (anxiety, depression, OCD, addictions), and more. While therapy is often stigmatized as necessary only for the severely mentally disturbed, I personally believe there is no struggle too insignificant for therapy. If something is bothering you, and creating stress and struggle, therapy can help!
But what about…?
Cost. Therapy can run anywhere from $65 to $500 for a 50 minute session. Some therapists accept insurance, others do not; but regardless, it is a worthwhile investment. Similarly to how we take care of our physical health by maintaining annual check-ups, bloodwork and various screenings, it is just as important to take care of our mental health as well. Biological psychologists have even found links between our mental health and our physical health. A decline of our mental health can invariably be linked to a simultaneous decline in our physical health. And while it may initially feel awkward to pay someone to listen to you, you are actually only paying for their time and their expertise. Their heart and their care is free! (We wouldn’t be in this field if not!)
Time. How long one spends in therapy is actually up to the individual. I have clients who come in weekly, some who come in monthly, some who come in annually! But on average, clients not in a severe category of mental health seem to experience improvement within 6-12 sessions. Therapy does not need to be lifelong, and honestly, it shouldn’t be. You can learn what you need to learn, maybe occasionally return for an “oil change,” but then be able to take what you learned and use it for the rest of your life.
Privacy. Therapy falls under HIPAA privacy laws and all therapists are bound by confidentiality. The only exceptions to confidentiality are typically safety (suspected abuse of minors or the elderly, threats to self-harm or harm others), or court subpoena.
How do I choose a therapist?
Know the difference between Therapists, Psychologists and Psychiatrists. Therapists and Psychologists are typically able to provide the same level of care (diagnosis and treatment) and are both able to practice privately. The main difference is that therapists have a Master’s degree while Psychologists have a Ph. D. or Psy. D. The main benefits to holding a doctorate in psychology is the opportunity to conduct experiments, publish research, and teach at the graduate level (and maybe charge more😜). To practice therapy, both need to be licensed in their state. Psychiatrists on the other hand, possess an MD. They are medical doctors able to prescribe psychiatric medication, but may not necessarily engage on a therapeutic level. Visits to a psychiatrist may run approximate in length to a typical doctor visit.
Do your research. When looking for a therapist or psychologist to work with, it is important to read their bio, and ask about their theoretical approach. There are many differing theories in the realm of psychology, and different theories are helpful for different things. Some theories also, may conflict with personal and moral beliefs as well. Personally, I operate from a cognitive-behavioral therapy perspective (CBT), which has empirically substantiated evidence for effectiveness across many different issues. CBT also works well with the Christian faith (and many other faiths as well). I do pull from other theories when relevant, however. Behavioral psychology is useful in working with children and addictions. Humanistic psychology has benefits in focusing on growth and solutions rather than problems (although it can sometimes come across as self-centered due to its strong emphasis on self-actualization and “achieving your greatest potential” as the answer to personal happiness). Psychoanalytic theory may be helpful in understanding childhood issues impacting adulthood. EMDR is good for trauma. Dialectical Behavior therapy (DBT) is helpful for certain personality disorders, or struggles with emotional regulation in relationships. “Person-centered” therapists, sometimes called “Rogerian therapists,” tend to stick with the present, asking more about your week or your day-to-day, placing greater emphasis on being relationally present and validating, with less emphasis on exploring the past or developing skills. And there are many more theories and approaches. So, I recommend asking a therapist what school of thought they lean toward, and then researching that theory to determine what would be best for you.
Lean on recommendations from friends. The majority of my clients have been referred by other clients. If you are comfortable sharing your struggle with a close friend, or someone whom you know has been in therapy, they can be a great resource to link you with someone they know and trust, while also giving you firsthand experience on what to expect.
Request a phone call with a therapist prior to scheduling. Most therapists offer a free 10-15 minute chat that can give you an idea of that therapist’s personality, and whether or not they may be a good fit for you. Not all therapists will be a good fit, and honestly, not all therapists are equal in quality and experience either. So if you end up having a bad experience with one, don’t give up! Try a different one. The therapeutic relationship is deep and incredibly personal. You definitely want someone you feel comfortable and safe with, and with whom you can build a trusting connection.
Ultimately, I recommend therapy for everyone, even when things seem to be going well! There is so much one can learn from psychological science that can help improve all areas of thinking, behaving, and generally understanding and relating to others. And then when life or relationships get hard, confusing, or painful, I would recommend therapy even more. If you decide to make the investment, and take the time to do the research, finding a therapist that is the right fit, you may then have an opportunity to experience healing and wholeness on a level you may not have originally thought possible!